Cassandra
by Sanura Bey
Summary: Cassandra Grey just wanted her life to be normal. But with a famous mother and drama starting before she even starts her new job. Enter Derek Sheppard. Enter Mark Sloan. Nothing will ever be the same again.
1. 48 Hours

**The game. They say either a person has what it takes to play, or they don't. My mother was one of the greats. Me, on the other hand...I'm kinda screwed.**

* * *

I rolled over in my bed and cracked my eyes open to stare at the clock.

"Damn it!" I nearly shouted before springing from my bed and into the joined bathroom. My sister and I were living in the house we grew up in and we're getting ready to sell it. I quickly put on my jeans and a top before rushing to her room. "Mer…" I dropped my sentence when I saw her not slept in bed. "Mer?" I started going through the house trying to find her when I saw her in the living room. Naked. "Mer, OH MY GOD!" Meredith was standing wrapped in a blanket over a naked man about to hit him with a pillow, which wasn't needed now. He grunted, waking up and lifting up her bra.

"This...is...?" he said before Meredith grabbed it from him and smiled at him.

"Humiliating on so many levels. You have to go." She told him.

"No kidding. I've now seen more of both of you than I ever wanted to see." I chimed in and she gave me a look.

"Why don't you just come back down here and you disappear so we can pick up where we left off?" he asked her.

"No, seriously. You have to go." She told him.

"We're late. Which isn't what you want to be on your first day of work, so mystery man needs to disappear while you shower and get ready." I told them.

"So, ah, you actually live here?" he asked her.

"No." She said and I shook my head before going to the kitchen and getting the coffee started. I made myself some toast. My toast was ready when my sister walked in hurried. I handed her her coffee mug and we walked out the door.

"Is the mystery guy gone?" I asked her when I didn't see his car.

"Yes, you can stop being so weird now." She told me in a mood.

"Oh come on." I said smiling at her. "Today is a good day."

* * *

We talked the rest of the way to Seattle Grace Hospital before being met by the Chief of Surgery, Dr. Richard Weber. Dr. Weber walked us to am OR and we all walked in and looked around.

"Each of you comes here hopeful. Wanting in on the game. A month ago you were in med school being taught by doctors. Today, you are the doctors. The seven years you spend here as a surgical resident will be the best and worst of your life. You will be pushed to the breaking point. Look around you. Say hello to your competition. Eight of you will switch to an easier specialty. Five of you will crack under the pressure. Two of you will be asked to leave. This is your starting line. This is your arena. How well you play? That's up to you."

* * *

 **Like I said. I'm screwed.**

* * *

After the rest of the tour, we were taken to the locker room to change into our pale blue scrubs.

"Okay. Martin, Robinson, Bond, Parkins." A doctor called out. Meredith and I were waiting to be called with our group of fellow interns.

"Only six women out of twenty." Meredith commented.

"Yeah. I hear one of them's a model. Seriously, like that's going to help with the respect thing?" another intern said.

"Bottom of the food chain _and_ a model?" I asked. "There is no respect." The doctor called more names and we listened before continuing to talk.

"You're Cristina, right?" Meredith asked her.

"Which resident you assigned to? I got Bailey." Cristina told us.

"The Nazi? Yeah, me too." Meredith said.

"And I make three." I told them.

"You got the Nazi? So did I. At least we'll be tortured together, right?" a guy asked us. "I'm George O'Malley, uh, we met at the mixer, you had a black dress with a slit up the side, strappy sandals..." The three of us exchanged looks. "Now you think I'm gay."

"Uh-huh." Cristina said walking away.

"No, I'm not gay, it's, ah, it's just that, you know, you were, I mean, you were very, unforgettable." George told Mer.

"Grey, O'Malley, Yang, Grey, Stevens."

"That's us." I said before we went to the doctor calling names.

"Bailey?" Cristina asked the doctor.

"End of the hall." He told us pointing to a short black woman with short hair.

"That's the Nazi?" Cristina asked in doubt as we made our way to her.

"I thought the Nazi would be a guy." George said.

"I thought the Nazi would be...the Nazi." Meredith said.

"Tall, blonde hair, blue eyes. That was the picture." I said.

"Maybe it's professional jealousy. Maybe she's brilliant, and they call her Nazi because they're jealous. Maybe she's nice." The blonde intern, Stevens, with us said

"Let me guess. You're the model." Cristina said. Stevens shot her a look before turning to Dr. Bailey and extending her hand.

"Hi, I'm Isabel Stevens, but everyone calls me Izzie." She said all perky. Dr. Bailey looked her up and down, but didn't respond or shake her hand.

 **Hour 1**

"I have five rules. Memorize them. Rule number one, don't bother sucking up, I already hate you, that's not gonna change. Trauma protocol, phone lists, pagers." She said indicating the items on the counter next to her. "Nurses will page you, you answer every page at a run. A run, that's rule number two. Your first shift starts now and lasts forty-eight hours. You're interns, grunts, nobodies, bottom of the surgical food chain, you run labs, write orders, work every second night till you drop and don't complain!" she told us before opening the door to a room with a couple of bunk beds. "On call rooms. Attendings hog them, sleep when you can, where you can, which brings me to rule number three, if I'm sleeping, don't wake me, unless your patient is actually dying. Rule number four, the dying patient better not be dead when I get there, not only would you have killed someone, you would have also woke me for no good reason, we clear?" Meredith raised her hand. "Yes."

"You said five rules. That was only four." Mer told her right before Bailey's pager beeped.

"Rule number five. When I move, you move." She said running down the corridor with the five of us behind her. "Get out of my way!"

* * *

We met a helicopter on the roof of the building and moved quickly so we could the patient inside so we could do our jobs.

"What've we got?" Dr. Bailey asked.

"Katie Bryce, fifteen-year-old female, new onset seizures, intermittent for the past week, ID lost in route, started grand mal seizing as we descended." The Paramedic told us as we moved the patient to the gurney and inside the hospital.

"All right, get her on her side, Izzie, ten milligrams Diazepam, no, no, the white lead is on the right, righty whitey, smoke over fire, a large bore I.V. don't let the blood hemolysis, let's go!" Dr. Bailey instructed. Izzie injected her and she stopped seizing when a young, tall, black doctor walked in.

"So I heard we got a wet fish on dry land?" he asked Dr. Bailey.

"Absolutely Dr. Burke." Dr. Bailey told him.

"Dr. Bailey, I'm gonna shotgun her." He said before walking out.

"That means every test in the book, CT, CBC, chem. seven, tux screen, Cristina, you're on labs, George, patient workups, Katrina, you're in the pit, Meredith, get Katie for a CT, she's your responsibility now." Dr. Bailey told us.

"Wait, what about me?" Izzie asked her.

"You - honey, you get to do rectal exams." Dr. Bailey told her. We all set out to do the job she gave us. So, I spent the next

* * *

 **Hour 7**

I was in the cafeteria getting lunch. I went to the table with the rest of the interns and dropped.

"Sutures are crappy." I said right before Meredith dropped next to me.

"Katie Bryce is a pain in the ass. If I hadn't taken the Hippocratic Oath, I'd Kevorkian her with my bare hands." She said. I looked up from my salad to see the other interns staring at us.

"What?" we asked them.

"Good afternoon interns." Dr. Burke said making us all look up at him. "It's posted, but I thought I'd share the good news personally. As you know, the honor of performing the first surgery is reserved for the intern that shows the most promise. As I'm running the OR today, I get to make that choice." We all stared up at him in hope before he clapped George on the back. "George O'Malley. You'll scrub in for an appendectomy this afternoon. Congratulations."

"Me?" George asked confused.

"Enjoy." Burke said before leaving.

"Did he say me?" George asked.

* * *

"I need to talk to you." Mer said grabbing my arm and pulling me into an on call room.

"Ok?" I asked her. "What's up?"

"He's here." She said and I gave her a confused look.

"He who?" I asked her.

"Derek." She said and I gave her another confused look. "The guy this morning. He's here."

"What? Why?" I asked her.

"He's the new Attending for Neuro." She told me and I tried not to laugh.

"The guy at the bar is our boss?" I asked her.

"Yea." She told me.

"What are you doing to do?" I asked.

"What can I do?" she asked me.

"Act like it never happened." I suggested.

"How am I supposed to do that?" she asked me.

"You are an intern. He is an attending." I reminded her. "You have to." I left the room and went back to the pit.

* * *

When the time came for the intern surgery every intern had gathered in the gallery to watch.

"He's going to faint. He's a fainter." One of the other interns said.

"Naaah, code brown. Right in his pants." Another said laughing.

"He's all about the flops, he's going to sweat himself unsterile." Another said.

"Ten bucks says he messes up the McBird." Another betted.

"Twenty says he cries." Cristina said.

"I'll put twenty on a total meltdown." I said.

"Fifty says he pulls the whole thing off." Mer said and everybody looked at her, silent. "That's one of us, down there. The first one of us. Where's your loyalty?"

"Seventy-five says he can't even ID the appendix." Cristina said after a pause.

"I'll take that action." Izzie said and others agree. They had the OR on speaker so we could hear what was being said and they could hear us.

"Okay, O'Malley, let's see what you can do." Burke told him.

"Here it comes." Mer said and we leaned forward to watch him.

"Scalpel." O'Malley ordered.

"Scalpel." The nurse repeated. O'Malley took the scalpel and we all cheered from the gallery until Burke motioned for us to shut up.

"That Burke, he's trouble." Cristina said making us all laugh as O'Malley got ready to cut.

"More pressure. Human flesh is a tough shell, dig in." Burke ordered.

"Pick-ups."

"Pick-ups."

"Clamp."

"Clamp." We watched as O'Malley worked.

"Met some bone. I'm there." He said.

"Damn, he got the peritoneum and he opened him up." One of the interns said.

"I told you, he's going to pull it off." Mer said.

"Don't count your chickens Mer." I warned her.

"Scalpel."

"Scalpel."

"Appendix is out." He said as he tossed it into a tray and we cheered.

"Not bad." Burke told him.

"Thank you." O'Malley said to him.

"Now all you have to do is invert the stump into the secum and simultaneously pull up on the purse-strings but be careful not to…" the strings ripped. "break them." Dr. Burke groaned. "He ripped the secum. Got a bleeder. You're filling with stool, what do you do now?"

"Uh...uh..." O'Malley said, trying to find the answer.

"Think. You start the suction, and you start digging for those purse-strings before she bleeds to death. Belky, give him a clamp." Burke ordered.

"BP's dropping."

"He's choking." Cristina said.

"Come on, George." Mer said, almost praying.

"Today. Pull your balls out of your back pocket, let's go. What are you waiting for, suction?" Burke asked before the beeping started.

"Getting too low folks... Dr. Burke..."

"Get out of the way. Pansy-ass idiot. Get him out of here. Suction. Clamp." Burke said pushing O'Malley away from the table.

"007." An intern said.

"Who'd have thought it be him." I said as we stared down at him.

"What's 007 mean?" Izzie asked.

"Licensed to kill." Mer told her.

* * *

 **Hour 19**

Our group of interns were all sitting on spare beds along an empty corridor taking a break.

"007. They're calling me 007, aren't they?" George asked us.

"No one's calling you 007." Izzie, Mer and I said together.

"I was on the elevator and Murphy whispered 007." George told us.

"Oh, how many times do we have go through this, George, five, ten? Give me a number or else I'm going to hit you." Cristina told him.

"Murphy whispered 007 and everyone laughed." George went on.

"I'll hold him down for you." I told Cristina.

"He wasn't talking about you." Izzie said tossing me a look.

"You sure?" George asked her.

"Would we lie to you?" Mer asked him.

"Yes." George told her.

"007 is a state of mind." Cristina told him.

"So says the girl who finished top of her class at Stanford." George countered before our pagers beeped at us.

"Oh man. It's 911 for Katie Bryce. I gotta go." Mer said before taking off at a run.

"Maybe I should've gone into geriatrics. No one minds when you kill an old person." George complained.

"Surgery is hot, it's the Marines, it's the macho, it's hostile, it's hardcore. Geriatrics is for freaks who live with their mothers and never have sex." Cristina told him and he scoffed before looking at me.

"Who wants to be with a guy who takes care of the dying when you could be a surgery god?" I asked him.

"I've got to get my own place." He complained as we all left to do our jobs.

* * *

After a long night in the pit, I was completing my charting when I overheard a male intern talking to a nurse.

"4B's got post-op pneumonia. Let's start antibiotics." He told her.

"Are you sure that's the right diagnosis?" the nurse asked him.

"Well I don't know, I'm only an intern. Here's an idea, why don't you go spend four years in med school and let me know if it's the right diagnosis. She's short of breath, she's got fever, she's post-op. Start the antibiotics." He ordered before walking over to me at the counter. "God I hate nurses. I'm Alex. I'm with Jeremy, you're with the Nazi, right?"

"She may not have pneumonia, you know. She could be splinting, or have a PE." I told him.

"Like I said, I hate nurses." He told me.

"A nurse?" I laughed.

"Well, if the white cap fits." He told me.

"Let me look at you." I told him and he turned to me with a smirk on his face. "White doctor coat. Intern scrubs." I looked down at me. "White doctor coat. Intern scrubs. If I'm a nurse then what does that make you?"

"Did you just call me a nurse?" he asked angrily.

"If the white cap fits." I told him before walking to a patient's bed.

* * *

I walked up to Katie's room to see if I could find Mer when I saw her walking away from Bailey.

"You get a 911, you page me immediately, not in the five minutes it takes you to get to the emergency, immediately, you are on my team and if somebody dies it's my ass, you hear me, Grey?" Bailey asked her. I followed Mer down to the first floor and towards the door.

"Meredith?" Cristina called after her. She and I gave each other a look before following her downstairs and out the door where she stopped and threw up on the grass.

"If you tell anyone, ever..." Mer threatened as she re-entered the hospital.

"Yep, she's ok." I said before following her.

* * *

 **Hour 24**

We were sitting in a conference room with all the other interns with no idea why we were here.

"What are you doing?" Mer asked Cristina.

"I'm suturing a banana, with the vain hope that it wakes up my brain." Cristina said making George laugh. "What're you smiling at, 007?" George immediately stopped laughing and stared at her. "I'm sorry, I get mean when I'm tired."

"You know what? I don't care. I comforted a family, and I get to hang out in the OR today. All is well." George told us.

"Does anybody know why we're here?" Cristina asked.

"Nope." I answered shortly before Dr. Shepard entered.

"Well good morning. I'm going to do something pretty rare for a surgeon, I'm going to ask interns for help. I've got this kid, Katie Bryce. Right now, she's a mystery. She doesn't respond to her meds. Labs are clean, scans are pure, but she's having seizures. Grand mal seizures with no visible cause. She's a ticking clock. She's going to die, if I don't make a diagnosis. Which is where you come in. I can't do it alone. I need your extra minds, extra eyes, I need you to play detective, I need you to find out why Katie is having seizures. I know you're tired, you're busy, you've got more work than you could possibly handle. I understand. So, I'm going to give you an incentive. Whoever finds the answer rides with me. Katie needs surgery. You get to do what no interns get to do. Scrub in to assist on an advanced procedure. Dr. Bailey's going to hand you Katie's chart. The clock is ticking fast, people. If we're going to save Katie's life, we have to do it soon." We all grabbed copies of the chart and started looking through it.

* * *

Afterwards, I was standing in the pit with the chart looking through it trying to figure out what was wrong with her.

"Look, give the antibiotics time to work." The intern from before told the nurse and I scoffed at him while shaking my head.

"The antibiotics should've worked by now." The nurse told him.

"She's old, she's freaking ancient. She's lucky she's still breathing. Now, I got a shot to scrub in downstairs and a patient who wasn't alive during the civil war. Don't page me again." he told her before walking off. I watched him go before going back to my work.

* * *

Later I was on my way to the elevator when I heard Cristina called to Dr. Sheppard.

"Oh, oh, Dr. Sheppard! Just one moment, um, uh, Katie competes in beauty pageants –" Cristina told him as she and Mer followed him towards the elevator.

"I know that, but we have to save her life anyway." He told them.

"Okay, she has no headaches, no neck pain, her CT's clean, there's no medical proof of an aneurysm –" Cristina continued.

"Right." He agreed.

"- but what if she has an aneurysm anyway?" she asked and I gave her a weird look.

"There are no indicators." He reminded her.

"Ah, but she twisted her ankle, a few weeks ago when she was practicing for the pageant –" Cristina said.

"Look, I appreciate you're trying to help, but –" he told her.

"This is not helping!" another doctor told them. The elevator had been trying to close, but they kept opening it.

"She fell. When she twisted her ankle, she fell." Mer told him.

"It was no big deal, not even a bump on the head, you know she got right back up, iced her ankle and everything was fine, it was a fall so minor her doctor didn't even think to mention it when I was taking her history, but she did fall." Cristina told him.

"Well, you know the chances that a minor fall could burst an aneurysm, one in a million! Literally." He told them. The elevator door finally closed and the two women next to me sighed and turned away. The elevator dinged and opened again and Dr. Sheppard stepped out. "Let's go."

"Where?" Cristina asked him.

"To find out if Katie's one in a million." I followed the three of them.

* * *

We were all waiting for the scan to come in.

"I'll be damned." Dr. Sheppard said as we stared at them.

"There it is." The tech said.

"It's minor, but it's there. It's a cerebachnoid haemorrhage. She's bleeding into her brain." He told us.

"She could've gone her entire life without it ever being a problem. One tap in the right spot – " Dr. Sheppard told us.

"And explode." I finished.

"Exactly. Now I have to fix it. You two did great work. Love to stay and kiss your asses, but I gotta tell Katie's parents she's having surgery." He said. "Katie Bryce's chart, please."

"Here you go." The nurse told him.

"Oh, and Dr. Sheppard, you said that you'd pick someone to scrub in if we helped." Cristina reminded him.

"Oh, yes, right. Um, I'm sorry I can't take you both, it's going to be a full house. Meredith, I'll see you in OR." He told my sister. I stared between the two of them, Mer looking flustered and Cristina looking expectant. "Good. Thank you." He said before walking away. Cristina looked from Dr. Sheppard before walking away clearly pissed.

"Cristina..." Mer called after her.

"What happened?" I asked her and he told me everything.

* * *

"Izzie!" I heard Cristina shout as Mer and I walked towards them.

"I'll tell him I changed my mind, you can –" Mer started telling her.

"No, no, don't do me any favors. It's fine." Cristina told her.

"Cristina, -" I tried.

"You know what, you did a cutthroat thing, deal with it." Cristina told Mer. "Don't come to me for absolution, you want to be a shark, be a shark."

"I'm not –" Mer tried saying.

"Oh yes you are." Cristina told her. "Only it makes you feel all bad in your warm gooey places. No, screw you. I don't get picked for surgeries because I slept with my boss, and I didn't get into med school because I have a famous mother. You know, some of us have to earn what we get." Mer turned and left.

"She tells you something in confidence you are supposed to keep it, Dr. Yang." I told her. "She earned this. She didn't get it because of our mother or because she slept with our boss. Get over yourself." I turned and went back to the pit.

* * *

I was standing in the pit when I overheard, when we all overheard, Dr. Webber talking to the Alex.

"She's still short of breath. Did you get an ABG or a chest film?" Dr. Webber asked him.

"Oh, yes sir, I did." Alex told him.

"And what did you see?" Dr. Webber asked him.

"Oh, well, I had a lot of patients last –" Alex tried telling him.

"Name the common causes of post-op fever." Dr. Webber ordered.

"Uh...yes, sir." Alex said before pulling out his notebook.

"From your head. Not from a book. Don't look it up, learn it, it should be in your head. Name the common causes of post-op fever." Dr. Webber ordered again.

"Uh...the common causes of post-op..." Alex said trying to remember.

"Can anybody name the common causes of post-op fever?" Dr. Webber asked loudly making everyone stop.

"Wind, water, wound, walking, wonder drugs." I said looking to them. "The five Ws. Most of the time it's wind, splinting or pneumonia. Pneumonia's easy to assume, especially if you're too busy to do the tests."

"What do you think's wrong with 4B?" he asked me.

"The fourth W, walking. I think she's a prime candidate for a pulmonary ambulus." I told him.

"How would you diagnose?" he asked.

"Spiral CT, VQ scan, provide O2, dose with Heparin, and consult for an IVC filter." I answered.

"Do exactly as she says, then tell your resident that I want you off this case." Dr. Webber told him before walking towards me. "I'd know you anywhere, you're the spitting image of your mother. Welcome to the gang." I nodded with a smile

* * *

 **I can't think of any one reason why I want to be a surgeon. But I can think of a thousand reasons why I should quit. They make it hard on purpose. There are lives in our hands. There comes a moment when it's more than just a game. And you either take that step forward, or turn around and walk away. I could quit. But here's the thing: I love the playing field.**

* * *

 **Hour 48**

"So. We made it through our first shift. We all did. The other interns are all good people, you'd like them. I think. I don't know. Maybe. Mer likes them. Oh, and I changed my mind. I'm going to talk to Mer about not selling the house. I want to keep it. If she doesn't want it then she can sell her half to me. We'll have to get a couple of roommates, but it's home, you know?" I asked my mother who was sitting across from me.

"Are you the doctor?" she asked me and my smile faded.

"No. I'm not your doctor. But I am a doctor." I told her.

"What's your name?" she asked me.

"It's me, mom. Cassandra." I said. "Cassy?"

"All right." She said before fidgeting with her watch. "I used to be a doctor, I think."

"You were a doctor, mom. You were one of the best surgeons in the world." I told her taking her hand in mine.


	2. The First Cut is the Deepest

Meredith and I walked into the locker room and I watched her put up the Roommates Wanted sign on the noticeboard.

"You had to add non-Bush supporters?" I asked her and she gave me a look. "Fine. Whatever." I went to my locker and got ready.

* * *

 **Life is all about lines. The finish line at the end of residency, waiting in line for a chance at the operating table, and then, there's the most important line. The line separating you from the people you work with. It doesn't help to get too familiar. To make friends. You need boundaries between you and the rest of the world. Other people are far too messy. It's all about lines. Drawing lines in the sand, and praying like hell no one crosses them.**

* * *

Meredith and I were talking to a young blonde girl about the room and Mer threw me a look.

"Look, I'm sure you're very nice, but I've very particular about who lives in my house and you're just not right." Meredith told her.

"Why? Look, I'm quiet, no loud music, no parties." She said moving to sit between us.

"Where were you when the Challenger exploded?" Mer asked her.

"The what?" the intern asked.

"The space shuttle. Challenger." Meredith clarified.

"Uhh, I think I was in kindergarten." She said which made Meredith smile.

"Exactly. No." Meredith told her before walking away.

"Sorry. She's really picky." I said before rushing after her.

* * *

"Why do you put up posters for roommates if you don't want roommates?" Izzie asked Meredith and I as we waited for Bailey.

"We do want roommates." I told her.

"We're together a hundred hours a week, you want to live together too?" Meredith asked her as Cristina joined us.

"No. Ooh, you're bringing bribes now?" she asked noticing Meredith holding a coffee cup.

"I need a place to live. My mom irons my scrubs. I have to get out of there." George tried.

"It's not a bribe." Meredith told Cristina before turning to George. "I don't think it's a good idea."

"But I can put down last, first and deposit." George told her.

"It's totally a bribe." Cristina said.

"I can cook. And I'm an obsessive cleaner." Izzie said.

"No. I just want two total strangers who I don't have to talk to, or be nice to, and it's not a bribe, it's a mocha latte." Meredith told them.

"That's coffee talk for bribe." I told her and she threw me a look.

"George, you're running the code team, Meredith and Cassy, take the trauma patients, Cristina, deliver the weekend labs to the patients, Izzie, you're on sutures."Dr. Bailey told us before walking away.

"Dr Bailey. I was hoping to assist you in the OR today, maybe do a minor procedure? I think I'm ready." Meredith told her. "Mocha latte?"

"If she gets to cut, I want to cut too." Cristina chimed in.

"Yeah, me too." Izzie added.

"I wouldn't mind another shot." George told her.

"You had your chance." I reminded him.

"Stop talking." Dr. Bailey ordered. "Every intern wants to perform their first surgery, that's not your job. Do you know what your job is? To make your resident happy. Do I look happy? No. Why? Because my interns are whining. You know what will make me look happy? Having the code team staffed, having the trauma patients answered, having the weekend labs delivered, having someone down in the Pit, doing the sutures." Dr. Bailey took the mocha latte. "No one holds a scalpel until I'm so happy I'm Mary freakin' Poppins."

"Mocha latte my ass." Cristina said under her breath.

"Why're y'all standing there? Move!" we scattered.

* * *

I was walking down the hall when a nurse stopped me.

"You the surgeon?" she asked me.

"Yes." I answered.

"We've got a rape victim. You better get in there." She told me.

"21-year-old female found down at the park, status: post-trauma, she came in with a GCS of 6, BP 80 over 60, head trauma, unequal breath sounds, right pupil is dilated, and she's ready for x-ray. You ready to roll?"

"Call it in to clear CT, let them know I'm coming, load up the portable monitor, call respiratory for a ventilator, I'll get x-rays while I'm down there." I ordered.

* * *

I stood watching the rape victims surgery with some other interns, including Meredith.

"She's going to spend a hell of a lot of time in recovery and rehab." Dr. Shepherd said.

"If she survives." Dr. Burke added.

"What is she, like, 5'2, a hundred pounds, she's still breathing after what this guy did to her? If they catch the guy, they should castrate him." Dr. Shepherd told him.

"See how shit her hands are? She tried to fight back." Dr. Burke added.

"Tried to? Rape kit came back negative. She kicked his ass." Dr. Shepherd analyzed.

"So, we have a warrior among us, huh?" Dr. Burke said happily.

"Alison." I said making them all look at me. "Her name is Alison."

"Alison." Dr. Shephard said.

"I think I may have found the cause of our rupture." Dr. Burke said pulling out a piece of flesh. "What is this? Does anyone know what this is?"

"Oh my god." I said and my mouth fell open.

"What?" Dr. Burke asked me. "Spit it out, Grey."

"She bit it off." I almost laughed.

"Bit off what?" Dr. Burke asked and other people echoed him.

"That's the rapists... penis." Shocked groans echoed through the O.R. "She bit off his penis." Dr. Burke couldn't get it into the tray fast enough.

* * *

After the surgery, I walked through the halls carrying the severed penis in a small cooler to the chief's office.

"Hi, is the chief in?" I asked the elderly woman sitting in the office.

"He's on his way. Is that it?" she asked me.

"Yeah." I confirmed putting the cooler on the table behind her.

"Can I see it?" she asked me. I looked down at the box and up at her again with a raised eyebrow. "No, forget I asked."

"Will do." I told her before the chief entered his office behind me.

"Cassandra, it's good to see you. Hey, I heard your mother was leaving MAyo? She going back with the U.N.?" he asked me and I took a deep breath before smiling at him.

"She's taking time off." I told him.

"To write another book, I suppose." He said still smiling.

"You know her." I told him before looking back at the cooler. "They said to bring this to you."

"Yes, for the police." He told me.

"Right." I agreed.

"When did the police say they'll come?" Dr. Webber asked the woman as I headed for the door.

"You know how slow they are. So, she'd better take it with her." The woman said and I turned back to them.

"I'm sorry, what?" I asked them.

"You have to take it with you." She told me.

"Why do I have to take the penis with me?" I asked giving them both a curious look.

"Chain of custody rules. All medical matter and array must stay with the person who collected it, until it's placed in police custody." Dr. Webber answered.

"You collected the specimen, so you have custody." The woman said before leaving the room.

"Custody of a penis." I said, annoyance lacing my voice.

"Yes. Until the cops come for it." Dr. Webber confirmed.

"Okay. Well, what am I supposed to do with a penis?" I asked him. He just looked down at his paperwork and I grabbed the cooler with a sigh before walking out of the office.

* * *

I walked to a nurses station and placed the cooler on the desk in front of George before walking to Meredith who was working at a desk in a small office solo.

"What's that?" George asked me.

"Trust me, you don't want to know." I told him.

"I do want to know. Really." He told me and I gave him a look.

"You really want to know?" I asked him and he nodded. "It's a severed penis."

"Oookay. I didn't really want to know." He told me.

"I told you so." I said smiling.

"I don't know why I have to be the one who gets hugged." Cristina said as she and Alex, who'd been reassigned to Dr. Bailey's team.

"Because. I don't do that. Besides, you're the ovarian sister here." Alex told her going elsewhere.

"Did you just call me an ovarian si- an ovarian - since when has the possession of ovaries become an insult?" Cristina asked us.

"Use him as a human shield." I told her.

"Cassy's carrying a penis around in a jar." George told her.

"Oh, from the rape surgery?" Cristina asked me.

"Yeah, and it's not a jar, it's a cooler." I told them as Cristina looked inside the cooler.

"Talk about taking a bite out of crime." Cristina said before closing the cooler and leaving.

"You okay?" George asked suddenly and I looked back at Mer.

"Yeah...The rape victim, Alison, her shoes are the same as Mer's." I told him and Mer looked up at me.

"I normally never wear them." She told us.

"She has the exact same shoes." I said and she looked back down at her work.

"You know what you need?" George asked her and I gave them a confused look.

"No. It's sick and twisted. We said last time was the last time." Mer told him.

"What are you two talking about?" I asked them.

"Nothing." They both told me. I just rolled my eyes, grabbed my penis, and walked away from them.

* * *

I made my way to the Alison's room and sat in the chair next to her bed.

"Cassandra." I looked up to see Dr. Shepherd sticking his head into the room. I picked up the cooler and made my way to him. "I've called every hospital in the county. Sooner or later, the guy that did this is going to seek medical attention, and when he does, that penis you're carrying around is going to nail him."

"Is her family on the way?" I asked him, wondering why there was any standing or sitting room next to her.

"Doesn't have any." He told me.

"No one at all?" I asked.

"No. Both parents are dead. She just moved to Seattle three weeks ago. Welcome to the city." He said sarcastically. "Cassandra, you okay?" he asked me.

"Yeah. I'm fine, I have to go do something. Anything." I said.

"Right. I'm going to sit with her." He told me.

* * *

That afternoon, I bought lunch with Mer and sat in the lobby to eat it.

"What're you doing down here?" Cristina asked us.

"Just sitting here with my penis and my sister." Mer told her. "What about you?"

"Hiding from Alex." She said.

"I kissed Derek." Mer told us.

"You kissed Derek." Cristina repeated.

"In the elevator." She elaborated.

"Oh, you kissed him in the elevator. That makes it so much better." I told her sarcastically.

"I was having a bad day. I am having a bad day." Mer said.

"So that makes it ok?" I asked her.

"This is what you do on your bad days? Make out with Dr. McDreamy?" Cristina asked getting up. Mer and I got up to throw out trash away, keeping an eye on the penis cooler the entire time.

"Try carrying around a penis." I told her. "It just makes the day seem so shiny and new."

"Mmm. George said Alison was wearing your shoes." Cristina said looking at Mer.

"Yeah." She said.

"It's weird, right?" I asked her.

"It's weird that you care." Cristina told me.

"I think it's weird." Mer told me.

"Thanks. I feel so much better now." I told her. We heard a car swerve and, looking through the glass, we saw a man staggering out of his car. His clothes were covered in blood, mainly around his crotch. He collapsed and in seconds there were doctors and nurses checking him out. Once they had him changed into a hospital gown I checked the wound to see what had made him bleed so much before going to a phone.

"Get me security." I told the person on the other end.

* * *

"So, what've we got?" Bailey asked.

"Take a look." I told her.

"What?" she asked before looking under the sheet. She looked up at me and I nodded. "All right, let's get him into O.R. 1. Meredith, you call the chief and let him know we got the rapist." Bailey, Cristina, and I rushed him to the O.R. as Mer went to talk to the chief.

* * *

"You can't believe the beating that Allison took from this guy." I told Cristina and Mer. "And then to see this..."

"It's like that old saying, you should see the other guy." Cristina said.

"Why are we not attempting to reattach the severed penis?" Dr. Bailey asked us.

"Teeth don't slice, they tear, you can only reattach with a clean cut." Cristina told her.

"If she wanted to slice him off with a knife we'd be able to full reattach his penis." Meredith told her.

"The digestive juices didn't leave much of the flesh to work with either." I added.

"Right, so what do we do?" Bailey asked us.

"Sew him up minus a large part of the family jewels." Cristina answered.

"And his outlook?" Bailey asked.

"He'll be urinating out of a bag for a very, very long time." Mer said.

"He won't be able to have sex ever again." I added.

"Oh, too bad." Meredith said sarcastically.

"Shame." Cristina added.

"Let's all take a moment to grieve. Clamp." Bailey said.

* * *

"Oh, poor Izzie, turning away patients, boo-hoo." Cristina said as I joined the others where extra gurneys were located.

"The police say that they can't send down the crack crime scene guy for hours. So I have to spend the night with a penis." I said sitting next to Alex. "Leave it alone, Alex."

"Ahh, it was too easy anyway." He told me.

"Who here feels like they have no idea what they're doing?" George asked and everyone but Alex raised their hands. "I mean, are we supposed to be learning something, because I don't feel like I'm learning anything."

"Except how not to sleep." Izzie added.

"It's like there's this wall," Cristina said. "And the attendings and the residents are over there, being surgeons, and we're over here, being..."

"Suturing, code running, lab delivering, penis-minders." Meredith listed off.

"I hate being an intern." Alex chimed in. Bailey walked up to us and looked at us expectantly. We scattered to the wind.

* * *

The next morning, I made my way back to Allison. Being with this penis made her my only patient. Kinda hard to explain to a different one why I'm carrying a man's penis in a cooler.

"How is she?" I asked Dr. Shephard.

"No change." He sighed.

"You've been here all night?" I asked him.

"Mm-hmm." He nodded. "You know I have four sisters? Very girly, tons of kids. If I was in a coma, they'd all be here. I'd want them here. Having no one? Can't imagine that." He told me and I looked from him to her.

"I can." I said without thinking.

"What're you talking about, what about your mother and sister?" he asked me. "Your mother would be in here ordering all the surgeons around. She'd fly these cowboys in from Prague to do these amazing medical procedures." He joked.

"You're right." I told him. "I do have my mother and sister. Speaking of Meredith, I head you kissed her.

"Kissing but not dating." He told me.

"Good." I said.

"How's that good?" he asked me.

"You're her boss and her teacher." I reminded him. "The others would see it like if she was sleeping with you to get in surgeries."

"But she's not." He told me.

"I know that." I said. "But, that's how it'd look." We heard beeping signaling Alison was in trouble. I hit an alarm on the wall before going to help.

"Her ICP's double, get O.R.! Put her in for a craniotomy." Dr. Shephard ordered. We went into surgery to lower the pressure in her brain.

* * *

Afterwards, I was sitting in her room with her just keeping an eye on her.

"How you doing?" he asked me and I sighed.

"She's not going to make it, is she?" I asked him.

"She's going to be fine." He told me.

"If she ever wakes up." I added.

"If she ever wakes up." He nodded. "The chief wanted me to find you. The police are here."

"I have to give up my penis now." I said before getting up and going to the chief's office.

* * *

"So here is where you put the signature, down here, the initials." The woman from before told me.

"Okay." I said before signing.

"It...just says that the, um...the..." we both turned to look at him.

"Penis." The woman supplied.

"I'm a doctor, it shouldn't be weird to say this." He laughed. "But, I used to change her diapers..."

"It's okay." I told him. "I get it."

"It just says that it was never out of sight." He explained to me.

"There you go." I said handing over the paperwork and cooler. "One penis to go."

"Officer." Dr. Webber handed the police officer the cooler and he left.

* * *

 **At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made.**

* * *

We were gathered outside the nursery watching the babies being all cute, wiggly worms.

"Okay, fine, George and Izzie, you can move into the house." Meredith told them.

"YES!" George cried out. "Yes!"

"I can't believe you caved!" Izzie said as she and George hugged.

"Yes!" I laughed as they started dancing.

"I can't believe I caved." Meredith sighed.

"I blame the babies. Toxic." Cristina told her.

* * *

 **So, you can waste your life, drawing lines.**

* * *

I sat outside Alison's room charting when I looked into her room and smiled.

* * *

 **Or, you can live your life crossing them.**

* * *

"Dr. Shephard." I said and he looked from me to her.

"Welcome back." He told her when she looked at us.

After work Meredith and I walked to the elevator to see Dr. Shepherd.

* * *

 **But there are some lines...**

* * *

"So. It's intense...this thing I have for, ah, ferry boats I mean." He told us.

* * *

 **...that are way too dangerous to cross.**

* * *

"We are taking the stairs this time." I said grabbing Meredith's arm and dragging her with me.

"No self-control. It's sad. Really." He called after us.

When we walked out we ran to catch up with the others and joined in on their conversation.

* * *

 **But here's what I know. If you're willing to take the chance...the view from the other side is spectacular.**


	3. Shake Your Groove Thing

**Remember when you were a kid and you wanted to grow up more than anything? Being an adult? Overrated. I mean, seriously, don't be fooled by all the hot shoes, the great sex and the no parents anywhere telling you to do. Adulthood is responsibility. And responsibility sucks.**

* * *

I walked into the nursing home with Meredith beside me. Things at the hospital had been crazy in the last few weeks. We had the annual bike race which cost some lives and got of lots of OR time. Our moms former scrub nurse was in the hospital to die. She also happened to be the only person we told about moms Alzheimers. Weirdly enough, that was the hardest thing I'd seen Mer do in my life. We sat in front of the caretaker and I stared at my mother as she messed with her watch.

"The lawyer has been managing the estate with a limited power of attorney, but your mother's Alzheimer's is advancing. So, while she's still lucid enough to consent, she needs to sign everything over to the two of you," she told us.

"Us?" Meredith asked her.

"She seriously chose us?" I asked her.

* * *

 **Responsibility seriously sucks.**

* * *

"Look, we haven't slept in 48 hours. I'm getting my first shot at heart surgery this morning. We're missing rounds. Are you sure there isn't anybody here or the attorney...? I mean, do we really have to be the one to handle this?" Meredith asked her.

"We're talking about her estate, finances, medical really want to leave her life in someone else's hands? She's your mother," she reminded us.

* * *

 **Really, really sucks.**

* * *

"I'll do it, Mer. Just tell me when and where."

* * *

 **Adults have to be places and do things and earn a living and pay the rent. And if you're training to be a surgeon, holding a human life in your hands... Hello! Talk about responsibility.**

* * *

I watched from the gallery as Meredith held the human heart Dr. Burke was operating on.

"What was that Dr. Grey?" Dr. Burke asked her and I looked at her worried. I knew she was completely exhausted and probably shouldn't be in the OR right now, but we're interns. We belong to the hospital. A choice made willingly.

"Sorry, it slipped. My hands," she told him.

"It's okay, I'm done," he told her. "You can release Mrs. Patterson's heart now. Very gently. All right. Let's warm her up. Get her off bypass."

* * *

 **Kinda makes you wish to be a kid again.**

* * *

"I wish I could hold a heart," George said watching her.

"A monkey could hold a heart," Cristina commented.

"You're mad Burke didn't ask you," George said.

"George, I need more ice and chips," Izzie said sitting next to him.

"Who else did you invite to this thing?" I asked her and she just stared at me with her wide eyes.

"Izzie, we said the list was jocks only. Surgery, Trauma, Plastics. Who else?" Cristina asked her.

"Just some people from Peds," Izzie told us and I gave her a look.

"This was supposed to be small," I sighed leaning back in my chair.

"You invited the preschoolers to Meredith and Cassandra's house. The next thing you'll say is you invited the shrinks." Izzie made a guilty face looked away making me groan. "She invited mental defects. This party's DOA."

"You know, Meredith thinks this is just going to be a little, small, meet-your-boyfriend cocktail thing. Did you clear this with her?" George asked her.

"What am I? Chopped liver?" I asked and his mouth just opened and closed repeatedly, trying to think of something to say.

"No, but I will," Izzie told him and he, thankfully, turned back to Izzie giving her a look. "I promise."

"Why are you wasting the only weekend your boyfriend is in town on a big party?" Cristina asked her.

"Must be bad in bed," I commented and Izzie chuckled.

"No. I just want him to meet some of my friends."

"Right. Sixty geeks in scrubs are your friends." Cristina's pager goes off and she checked it before getting up to leave. "Bad sex, sucks for you." Alex, of course, chose that moment to walk in.

"I heard there was a party tonight at the Grey house."

"Oh really, party?" Cristina asked him.

"Uh, news to me."

"No party."

"No party without big sis' say so," I told him shrugging my shoulders and he gave us all a look before looking down into the OR.

"Are we losing her or what?" he asked.

"Just finishing now."

"The grafts?" a doctor asked Burke.

"They're open. Temperature?" Burke asked.

"She's at 96 and rising." a second doctor answered.

"She should be doing this on her own." We watched Burke stroke the heart before she flatlined. "C'mon, Mrs. Patterson. Paddles."

"Stats are below 90."

"Charge."

"10 joules." Burke put the paddles to Mrs. Patterson's heart. "Clear." he shocked the heart and we watched the monitor. "C'mon Mrs. Patterson. Give me 20."

"Charge."

"Clear." he shocked her again. "There, we have rhythm. Reluctant heart. All right. Let's close. Keep an eye on her. Good work, everyone."

* * *

 **Of course, the scariest part of responsibility: owning up to our mistakes.**

* * *

"Hi Mrs. Mathews, I'm Dr. Grey. What seems to be the problem today?" I asked her looking at her chart.

"Just some pain on my left here, hun." I put down her chart and mentally sighed. Mrs. Mathews was morbidly obese.

"Do you mind if I examine you real quick to rule anything else out?" I asked her.

"Go right ahead." I moved from the end of the bed to her side and started my examination.

"When did the pain start?"

"A few days ago. I didn't want to bother my husband while he was at work, you know? We only just got married and he recently got this promotion so he's at work a lot longer than I'm used to, but he's happy so I'm happy."

"You're okay with him spending a lot of hours at work as a newlywed?" I asked her with a smile and she nodded at me. "You must be the best wife ever." That got her to laugh at me. When I felt her left side and applied pressure she winced and tried pulling away from me a bit. "Ok." I grabbed her chart again and made some notes. "It seems like a simple kidney stone, Mrs. Mathews, but I'm going to go ahead and admit you and order an ultrasound so we can rule out everything then we can go from there. Sound good?"

"Anything you say, Dr. Grey."

* * *

Later that day, we were all sitting down on the extra gourneys as Meredith told all about Mrs. Patterson's heart and getting in trouble with the chief.

"You got called before the chief?" George asked her.

"Tomorrow morning. I could get kicked out of the program. I could, right?" she asked us worriedly.

"You're not getting kicked out," George insisted.

"Patterson's just going to sue," Cristina told her.

"Patterson is not going to sue and you're not getting kicked out." George gave her a look.

"What the hell were you thinking? Telling Burke," Cristina said. "So stupid."

"Especially in front of the patient's husband? Seriously, Mer?"

"I told her not to," George told us before my phone began to ring. The nursing home.

"I gotta take this," I told them.

"Thanks. Thank you. Very comforting." Mer gave us all a look before walking away with me right behind her.

"Hello?"

"Miss Grey? This is Carolyn Parks. I'm just calling to inform you that everything's been set up by your mother's lawyer to your specifications."

"So the notary can be there at 6:30 too?"

"Yes ma'am, but I have to ask are you sure you want to do this so late?" Mrs. Parks asked me. "She seems to be more lucid during the day instead of at night."

"I can't be there any earlier than that," I told her. "And the home's physician will be there to attest to her mental competency?"

"Yes, ma'am. Like I said everything's set up."

"Okay, is there anything else I need to bring besides my license?"

"Just a way to pay the notary."

"Checkbook got it. 6:30, I'll be there."

* * *

After the phone call and worrying about Meredith, I made it back to Mrs. Mathews for her ultrasound.

"Okay, Mrs. Matthews, let's see what exactly we're dealing with, shall we?" I asked her with a smile.

"Look away." I placed the sensor on the left side of her abdomen and started moving it around. I looked at her kidney but didn't see anything. I stayed silent before moving the sensor again. I caught a glimpse of something and moved the sensor on top of it. I took a picture of the problem and printed it off.

"Okay, I'm all done." I smiled at her before handing her some tissues to wipe herself off and grabbing the picture. Whatever this was, it wasn't a kidney stone which is what I told her.

"So, what is it?" she asked me worriedly.

"It's called an ovarian cyst. The size of it is what causing all your pain and your weight is what hid it for so long. I'm going to have a college take a look just in case and I'm going to order a CT as well. With the pulmonary embolism, you had a while back gives this a higher chance of being malignant."

"What's that mean? Is it cancer?" she asked me getting scared.

"We won't know until the CT comes back." She started crying. "There's no need to worry about the worst possible outcome until we eliminate everything else," I told her before writing in her chart at the nurse's station. "Order a CT for Mrs. Matthews and get OB down here."

* * *

I was late to the nursing home and rushed in only for Mrs. Parks to approach me.

"I'm late, I know. I'm sorry, it was the traffic."

"That's doesn't matter, dear," she said.

"Okay, don't tell me the notary didn't show up." I almost begged her. I just wanted to get this over with.

"Oh, everybody's here. It's just your mother isn't." I looked past her to my mother sitting with her arms and legs crossed, closing herself off from everyone, and sighed.

"Mom?" she looked to me as I made my way to her. "Mom?" I knelt down next to her.

"What do you people want from me?" she snapped at me.

"We need you to sign the lawyers' papers." I reminded her.

"I have a cranial reconstruction in a half hour. I need to go."

"Okay, mom, we're all here. We have a notary. I need you to focus and I need you to sign these papers." she just turned away from and looked at the people around her. "Mom, please look at me."

"It's an emergency surgery. I don't have time for this." I just sighed and stood up rubbing the bridge of my nose.

"She can't sign anything now. She's sundowning. We should have done this earlier in the day."

"I couldn't come earlier in the day and respect her wishes that no one knows about this. I have a job, a life, and I'm here now," I told her.

"Well, you're going to have to come back tomorrow when she's lucid.

"You know what? Why didn't you people let her put this off for so long? Doesn't this strike you as irresponsible considering everything happening now?" I stormed out of the nursing home and drove back to the hospital. I didn't feel like partying tonight.

* * *

The next morning, I met the others outside the chief's office as we waited for Meredith and her life-altering meeting.

"So, what do you think?" Izzie asked.

"50 says Meredith gets tossed out on her ass and Burke walks away clean." Cristina bet.

* * *

 **Responsibility. It really does suck.**

* * *

After the meeting, Meredith made a beeline for us, but was intercepted by Derek. They spoke before parting and she came to us.

"Well?" I asked her.

"One-month probation."

"Could have been worse." I reminded her before Bailey walked up to us.

"Don't you all have something better to do?" she asked us. "C'mon people, move!" the five of us scattered to the wind and left to go back to our jobs.

* * *

During a lunch break at the hospital, I was at the nursing home signing the papers with my mother. Her estate and all decisions concerning her were now mine.

* * *

 **Unfortunately, once you get past the age of braces and training bras, responsibility doesn't go away. Ever.**

* * *

I stood next to the attending presenting her Mrs. Matthew's case, showing him the CT and ultrasound results.

"Good job, Grey. What's our next step?"

"Get consent for surgery and keep an eye on her."

"Then get to it."

* * *

 **It can't be avoided.**

* * *

"Surgery?" Mrs. Matthews asked me, fear edging her voice.

"It's almost the only option right now, Mrs. Matthews," I told her. "If that cyst ruptures it could end your life." I could see her turning the thoughts over in her head. "Doing the surgery would also mean removing your ovary which means that, if in the future, you ever wish to have children naturally it could be more difficult for you and your husband."

* * *

 **But still, adulthood has its perks.**

* * *

I stood next to the attending in surgery watching her remove the basketball size cyst from Mrs. Matthews abdomen.

* * *

That night, I was helping the others clean the house from the party I never attended.

* * *

 **The shoes, the sex, the no parents looking over your shoulder telling you what to do. It's pretty damn great.**


	4. The Self-Destruct Button

**To anyone who says you can sleep when you die should come talk to me after these last few months as a surgical intern. Of course, it's not just the job that keeps us up all night.**

* * *

I was finishing up my breakfast and Izzie was watching coffee percolate when George joined us in the kitchen.

"You get any sleep?" George asked us.

"Oh, she could oil the bedsprings as a courtesy or at least buy a padded headboard," Izzie complained.

"Or have less sex," I added. "God, I miss sex."

"So who's the guy?" George asked and I stared into what was left of my eggs.

"You think it was just one guy doing all that work?" Izzie asked us.

"Mer's not the orgy kind," I told her.

"Yeah, do you mind if I don't think about that?" George asked making a face.

"Oh, jealous?" Izzie asked smirking at him.

"I'm not jealous," George denied and I just chuckled.

"Well, I am. But at least I know she'll be having a long day at work," Izzie said with a grin. We heard the door open and close and the other two rushed to the doorway and peeked out. No doubt they were seeing McDreamy sneaking out of the house.

"Well, at least we know brain surgery isn't his only skill," Izzie said.

"They can't be...He's her boss," George reminded us.

"We're late," Izzie complained grumpily.

"He's all our bosses," I reminded him as I put my plate into the sink and finishing getting ready.

"You know she has been scrubbing in a lot lately on his surgeries," Izzie pointed out.

"No, Meredith wouldn't sleep with him just to...No," George denied.

"Well, if she's not ashamed of it, why is she keeping it a secret?" Izzie asked.

"Maybe she didn't. Maybe it just happened. You know, spontaneously, last night," George said and I gave him a look.

"Or she wanted to avoid the third degree?" I suggested right before Mer entered the kitchen.

"Hi. Good morning," she greeted.

"Morning," Izzie and I greeted her.

"Hey, so it sounded like you were having some pretty radical sex last night, all night long. Who was the guy?" Izzie asked her.

"No one you know," she told us and I glanced at Izzie's sour face.

"We're late. Let's go."

* * *

 **I mean, if life's so hard already, why do we bring more trouble down on ourselves? What's up with the need to hit the self-destruct button over and over again?**

* * *

We arrived at the hospital and saw Cristina sitting next to her motorcycle.

"Yikes, wouldn't want to meet you in a dark alley," Mer commented.

"Right back at ya," Cristina said standing and joining us on walking into the hospital as Alex jogged up.

"A run? You run?" Izzie asked him.

"Every day, babe, every day," he told her.

"Not suffering enough?" Mer asked.

"What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."

"What a guy thing to say," I said waving away the smell of sweat and B.O.

"Don't go acting all indefatigable," Cristina told him. "You're dragging like the rest of us."

"Oh, what is that, professional weakness, Dr. Yang?" Alex mocked her sickly appearance.

"It's called the flu," she corrected him trying to hit him away from her.

"Yeah." He ran into the hospital and we walked behind him.

* * *

We were all talking and changing in the locker room complaining about being tired.

"I'm gonna need a major rush to make it through this day. I need a kick-ass surgery," George said.

"Ooh, you a bad boy last night, George?" Alex mocked.

"That would be Meredith," Izzie corrected.

"You a bad boy, Meredith?" Alex asked.

"Do tell," Cristina told her.

"Nothing to tell," Meredith said getting defensive.

"That says it all, huh?" Cristina asked before Izzie slammed her locker door.

"Sorry, I have a sex life."

"Don't apologize. Embrace it. Share it. Count me in," Alex told her.

"Yeah, next time, just let me know if I need to go to a hotel so I can get some sleep," Izzie told her.

"Make that two," I yawned.

"Am I missing something?" Mer asked.

"You were just a little loud," George told her before he, Izzie, Alex and I left.

* * *

We followed Bailey in the hallway with Mer yawning and Bailey giving her a look.

"O'Malley, Yang, Karev, Cassey, go on to clinic," Bailey ordered as we passed Derek putting in eye drops. I made my way down to the clinic and picked up the first chart I came to. I looked over the chart and nearly groaned. A 1-month old baby was the patient. Great.

"Hi, my name's Dr. Grey. What brings you in today?" I asked the parents and grandmother. The mother was holding her newborn son who was sleeping in her arms. That explained the no screaming that I'd been expecting.

"My grandson is asleep all the time," the grandmother, Mrs. Jones the mother's mother, told me. "He hardly cries and it's difficult to wake him up when he needs to eat.

"And how old are you Miss Jones?" I asked the mother.

"Seventeen."

"How many time have you been pregnant before?" I asked her.

"What does this have to do with my grandson?" Mrs. Jones asked me getting snippy.

"Mom, it's fine," Miss Jones told her mother before turning back to me. "This was my first pregnancy."

"Did you carry him to term?" I asked her making note of everything she said.

"I delivered him at 37 weeks?" she looked at her boyfriend questioningly and he nodded.

"Around that, yeah."

"And you delivered vaginally?"

"Yes." I looked at the chart for the weight and Apgar score. Everything seemed normal. Prenatal care was normal as was the morphology scan.

"Were there any complications during your pregnancy or delivery?" I asked her. Miss Jones shared a look with her boyfriend.

"I was beaten by my uncle early in my pregnancy, but I was told that everything was normal," she told me worriedly and I gave her a smile.

"From the look of the scans and the files I have, everything was normal. But sometimes those scans, especially with a patient so small, could have missed something. That's why all these questions have to be asked. Is there anything else that happened?"

"No, everything else was normal."

"Other than prenatal, were you on any other kind of medication during your pregnancy?"

"No."

"Any alcohol or drug use?"

"She's seventeen, Dr.," her mother reminded me.

"We've had plenty of kids come in here with their alcohol levels high younger than her," I told her. Why parents thought their kids were saints I had no idea.

"No, I've never used or drank."

"How long has he been like this?" I asked them.

"Just a couple days."

"More like a couple weeks," Mrs. Jones told me. "And he's thrown up more than once a day over the last week." Obviously, grandma knew her grandson better than mom and dad knew him.

"And there's been no trauma to him? No one's dropped him?" Mr. Johnson looked away for a moment before Miss Jones shook her head.

"No, and we haven't noticed anything else wrong with him," she told me holding her son closer to her.

"Do you mind laying him down so I can look him over?" I asked. She looked at her mother before putting her son on the bed.

"How's he eating?"

"He's eating about 10 times a day. Breastfed," Miss Jones told me.

"But I've noticed him falling asleep while he eats," Mrs. Jones added.

"But that's what the lactation consultant is for," her daughter told her.

"And he's filling his diaper regularly?" They confirmed. "And how are the two of you with a newborn in the house?"

"Fine," Miss Jones and I just looked at her for a moment. Postpartum Depression maybe.

"Has he gotten any immunizations yet?"

"No, but we have an appointment with his doctor in next week."

"Any allergy or medications he's allergic to that you've noticed?" They denied both. Some red flags popped up in my head as they talked to me and I made sure to note them in the chart. Everything was normal during my examination except for one thing: he seemed to be bleeding in his eyes extensively. "I'm going to order some tests, just to cover all my basses and I'll come back to check on him later." I smiled at them and walked out the door to the nurses' station just out of the room.

"Doctor," I turned to see Mr. Johnson standing behind me. "I didn't want to say this in front of Kelly, but I dropped Michael in his crib a week ago. Could that have done this?"

"We won't know until the tests come back," I told him. and he nodded before going back to his son. "Nurse, can you make sure to keep an eye on them? I have a bad feeling about something."

* * *

I was walking and talking with Izzie about our patients when George came to us.

"Hey, hey, hey. Have you seen Shepherd?" he asked.

"Not as up close as Meredith has," she said bitterly.

"Give it a rest will you?" I asked her

"What? Are you trying to get her in trouble? She's our friend," George reminded her.

"George, this program will make or break our careers. Some of us will make it through, and some of us won't. And that decision depends entirely on recommendations from doctors like Shepherd. There is a reason we don't sleep with the attendings," she told him.

"She won't go to Shepherd when it comes to that," I told her.

"It's not her fault, ok. It's Shepherd's. He's the attending, he should know better. He's taking advantage of her," George said and I gave him a look.

"Did you just accuse an attending of date rape?" I asked him.

"No, of course not.

"Either way, it didn't exactly sound like anything was happening against her will last night."

* * *

"Dr. Grey?" I turned to the nurse as I charted and she handed me a paper.

"Thanks." I looked over the bloodwork and sighed. Everything was normal. So was the urine test. Damn... what was I missing? I went to the attending and asked his opinion. "I know I'm missing something, but I can't pinpoint it."

"If this was an adult patient, what would you do?" he asked me and I thought about it.

"With the history of the fall, I'd do a CT and an X-ray to check for any damage."

"So go do it," he said handing me back the chart and I went back to the Jones/Johnson room to do as I'd said I would.

* * *

I was drinking my coffee and waiting for my time in the CT and X-ray rooms with Cristina eating a cookie.

"You're making me sick just by being near you right now. Go home, get soup or something," I told her.

"Shut up," she told me.

"Yang. Cas. I'm scrubbing in on a hemispherectomy with Shepherd," George told us excitedly.

"Get out! I would kill for that," Cristina said throwing away her cookie and going to the vending machine.

"I hate you right now!"

"We're gonna cut out half a girl's brain and it's going to work. It's outrageous. Almost makes it hard to hate him," George told us.

"So don't."

"Why do you hate him?" Cristina asked confused.

"Oh, no reason," George said trying to protect Mer and I rolled my eyes.

"He knows about Sheperd and Mer," I told her.

"Cassandra!" he whisper-yelled at me.

"She knows already, idiot."

"You know?"

"When are you gonna figure out that I know everything?" Cristina asked him as Izzie joined us from the stairs as we moved to one of the coffee carts.

"She knows," George told her.

"What, about doctor-cest?" Izzie asked.

"It's been going on for, like ever," Cristina told her.

"Seriously?" Izzie asked.

"Saw him in his birthday suit myself before day one here," I told them.

"And you didn't tell us?" George asked.

"Ooh, Georgie's a gossip," I teased.

"I am not!"

"I am," Izzie said as we got to the coffee cart.

"He's about to go into major brain surgery on no sleep? Not very responsible," George complained.

"Jealous much?" Cristina asked. "Sex all night isn't about being responsible."

"No, it's about sex all night. I can't believe you're not more pissed off about this, you of all people," Izzie said.

"Well, she works hard all day. She's good at her job. Why should you care how she unwinds?" Cristina asked. "I mean, you like to bake all night. Some people like to drink. Others like an occasional screaming orgasm."

"Yeah, we do," Alex said joining us while munching on something. "Forget I said that. Pretend like I'm not here. Continue. You look like you need to be spoon-fed."

"You look like Alex," she mocked.

"Yeah, about drinking, Dr. Taylor, the anesthesiologist..." George nodded to where Dr. Taylor was standing nearby. "Do you think he drinks?"

"Whatever gets you through the day," I said getting coffee.

"I mean here, at work. Earlier, I thought I smelled... Do you think...? I mean, his patients trust that...So I should say something, right?" George asked.

"It's a can of worms, George. Weren't we talking about sex, anyway?" Alex asked.

"Doofus," George muttered.

"Ew."

* * *

I got the labs back from the Johnson baby and picked up the phone.

"Get me child services."

* * *

I sat in the locker room with my head in my hands. I was exhausted.

"Ew, what smells?" Izzie suddenly asked. I sniffed and made a face.

"That would be me, or more specifically, my patient's insides all over me," Mer told us.

"The girl with the botched bypass?" I askedher.

"That's the one."

"That makes me strangely happy," Izzie said smilling for the first time today.

"Oh, God. Oh, Meredith, you smell like..." Cristina couldn't come up with the right word.

"Karma."

"What?" Mer asked.

"Nothing."

"Something vile is stuck in your hair. You know, just go stand over there, please," Cristina ordered before placing her arm back over her eyes. Mer moved to the mirror on the side of the locker and looked in her hair.

"Ugh, how much do I love being a surgeon right now?"

"Karma," Izzie said again.

"What does karma have to do with anything?" Mer asked her.

"I'm just saying, you've been given all the best surgeries. And now you smell like putrid goo. And you're giving off a stench. Karma's a bitch."

"Dr. Shepherd needs an intern in surgery. Which one of you is clear?" Dr. Bailey asked us. Instantly, Izzie, Cristina and I jumped up and went to her.

"I'm good, Dr. Bailey, where do you want me?" Cristina asked her.

"You need to lie down somewhere," Bailey told her.

"I'm fine, I'm completely healthy," Cristina insisted.

"Grey?" Bailey asked and Izzie sighed.

"Of course."

"What is your problem?" Mer asked her.

"Um, you!" Izzie shouted at her. "'Cause apparently you can help Dr. McDreamy in ways the rest of us can't."

"You did not just say..."

"Yes, I did!"

"Hey!" Bailey shouted to get our attention before turning to Cristina. "Hemispherectomy in OR 1 with Dr. Shepherd. Go. Cassey social serves are here to see you." The three of us leave to go about our business.

* * *

"Your son has what's called Shaken Baby Syndrome," I told Miss Jones and Mr. Johnson after talking with social services. "When we got a look at the CT and X-ray it showed a small left subdural hematoma with no midline shift and two posterior rib fractures. Your son is bleeding into his brain on the left side and there's no other reason for him having any broken bones. I've called social services to talk to you."

"You have no right to do that!" Mrs. Jones yelled at me.

"That's my job," I said before leaving the family with the social worker.

* * *

When I finally got home, Izzie was frosting a cake and Mer was going for the fridge.

"I thought you'd both be asleep by now," I said sitting at the island.

"Yeah, well, I'm not," Izzie said before looking at Mer. "If you wait a few minutes, you can have a piece of cake. Baked it chock-full of love. Actually, chock-full of unrelenting, all-consuming rage and hostility, but it's still tasty."

"So you know?" Mer asked her.

"I know."

"So does George by the way," I told her.

"Well, do you want the long, sordid version, or do you want the short version, where I started sleeping with a guy who turned out to be my boss?" Mer asked her sitting on the counter.

"Neither."

"Izzie, cut me some slack here," Mer begged.

"No. You want to Dartmouth. Your mother is Ellis Grey. You grew up... Look at his house!" Izzie told us. "You know, you walk into the OR, and there isn't anyone who doubts that you should be there. I grew up in a trailer park. I went to state school. I put myself through med school by posing in my underwear. You know, I walk into the OR, and everyone hopes I'm the nurse. Y-you have their respect without even trying, and you're throwing it away for...what? A few good surgeries?"

"No. It's not about the surgeries. It's not about getting ahead," Mer told her.

"Then what? A little hot sex? You're willing to ruin your credibility over that? I mean, Meredith, what the hell are you doing?" Izzie and I stared at Mer as she rolled her eyes.

"Oh, my God," I said giving her a good look. "You're falling for him."

"I am not."

"Oh, you so are."

"No, I'm not."

"You so are."

"Damn it, you poor girl," Izzie said sitting next to me. Mer jumped down from the counter and started walking away before turning back to us.

"You know, it's just that he's just so...And I'm just...I'm having a hard time."

"Wow, you're all, uh, mushy and...warm and full of secret feelings." Izzie handed her some cake and Mer took a bite while she gave me some cake.

"I hate you! And your cake!" Mer told her.

"This cake is amazing," I said.

"So, um, how hot is the sex?" Izzie asked Mer and I started laughing.

"Izzie."

"What? Come on, I'm not getting any. Help a girl out with a few details."

* * *

 **Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know maybe we just wouldn't feel real**. **What's that saying? "Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer?"** **"Because it feels so good when I stop."**


End file.
